my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
