Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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