Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
