summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
