Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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