And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
