I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
