your parents love me but you hate me
Porn is love you can see.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
