He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
