Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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