$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
