I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
