thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
