I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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