Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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