Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
