just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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