Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
