Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
