So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
