he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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