I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize