i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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