problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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