Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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