i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
