What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
