I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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