So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
