the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
