Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
