Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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