thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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