No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
