oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
