I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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