Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
