Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
