i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
