At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
