I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
