I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
