She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
