you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
