This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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