Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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