plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
