considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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