1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
