hell yes lets make some ravioli
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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