that's an acceptable place to lick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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