I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
